Ten signs that I’m narcissistic and super lazy

1) Whenever I have long bouts of depression I remind people that it’s because I’m like Beethoven, I have long dry spells, followed by periods where I produce a large amount of beyond excellent work.
2) Whenever I get a 98 on a paper instead of 100 because my paragraphs were too “long” I remind my professors that Hemingway’s paragraph’s were also very long.
3) When I can’t start a paper and hand it in late I tell people I need to first hear the tempo in my head, like Virginia Woolf.
4) When people ask me what I'm going to do with a PhD in Musicology I lie and tell them it doesn’t matter because I’m a trust fund baby.
5) When I get a B instead of an A I tell people its because I really know more than everyone who got A’s and that the testing system is faulty.
6) I always use intellectual catch phrases when I have no clue what I’m talking about. It’s amazing that it even works with my professors. “That music was so sublime…cerebral, although, ephemeral…it was an experience pushing the boundaries of tonality with all its aesthetic premises and intellectual might…. ”
7) I have only been sexually attracted to two people in the past year—now that’s being lazy.
8) I stop calling and seeing the people I know for months at a time and justify it by claiming my temperament is similar to that of Shell Silverstein’s.
9) I purposefully end sentences in academic papers with prepositions to annoy the fuck out of my professors. Reminding them that Churchill always did and liked it.
10) Never actually finishing anything, including but not limited too this list—as a kind of fuck you if you will.